apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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