I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cut my penus on the lid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
