I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
