At least make sure they are 18
Why
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
