I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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