he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
