forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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