He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
