i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
