a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
