I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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