make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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