i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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