perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
