My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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