when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
