My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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