She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
