I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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