People in love make me want to vomit
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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