I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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