I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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