her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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