you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
