I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
