just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
