I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
