Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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