Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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