1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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