Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
