Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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