Need sex. Gaining weight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
