I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
