No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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