maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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