you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
