my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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