Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
