Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
