I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That accounts for only three of the penises
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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