I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
worst night to have a conscience
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
