So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
