maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
