i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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