I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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