I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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