seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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