just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
