Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
not ubering you a puppy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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