i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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