apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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