Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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