Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
