Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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