once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
