she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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