hotel room ftw
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
