Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
