Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
