2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
