I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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