dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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