Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
