i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
