I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
