Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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