Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
