remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
