Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
