Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
