Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You dont lie about slip and slides
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
