When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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