I need to stop coming to work sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
