what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
