i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
