dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
