The maid of honor just puked.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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