I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
