For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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