i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
