**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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